Speechification

The current Matthew d’Ancona Sunday Supplement reminds me of another one, the best bit of thoughtful commentary on modern political bullshit I’ve recently heard, and I’m glad to see it’s still online. Not My Words, Mr Speaker by Matthew Parris was broadcast a couple of months ago.

Matthew Parris takes a canter through the arid badlands of political language and asks why politicians drape their speeches in the tired glad-rags of stale phrases.

Matthew Parris was an MP before he was a political commentator, and understands this world as well as anyone. He seems to delight in highlighting the clichés which litter political life in Britain. At one point Parris suggests a “ticking time-bomb” as an example of a well-worn phrase to Norman Tebbit. Tebbit, you’ll remember, was injured in the 1984 bomb attack of the Tory party conference in Brighton. Much as I love Matthew Parris, it’s also rather fun to hear him blush at that point.

Part one (MP3, Real) covers

1. Grabbing attention by dramatising with sensational language (holed beneath the waterline)
2. Padding (year on year on year)
3. Make a question sound like an answer (we need a debate…)

Some brilliant examples, including “Rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic”, “Hearts and minds” and “I’ll take no lectures”. In part two (Real) we hear more modern examples of post New Labour bullshit bingo, including “rolling out”, “we must be seen to walk the talk” and the latest favourite, “across the piece”.

Listening to the Commons (well, the Tory half anyway), baying for a withdrawal when Gordon Brown dropped the word ‘misleading’ into a response during PMQs this week, I felt (oddly, you might suppose, given I’m a lifelong Labour man) my heart swelling with pride in the unruly vigour of our central democratic institution.

Don’t talk to me about bringing an end to ‘Punch & Judy’ politics. Punch & Judy are fundamental to the process. Long may they reign! I do understand that plenty of people feel alienated by all the ‘ya-boo’ and I also agree that it’s probably not the best incentive for non-toffs to join up but, to be honest, I really want my MP to be fully Punch & Judy-compliant and robust enough to mix it up with the shouty types when necessary.

And another thing. I really don’t like the look of all those tidy, civilised horseshoe assemblies (like the ones they’ve got in Wales and Scotland) with their microphones and their wait-for-your-turn and their nasty Mr Sheen shine. Enough: I’m turning into my father. This morning’s Week in Westminster has a bit of ya-boo and an interview with marvelous Parliamentary irritant Dennis Skinner that really cheered me up (especially the bit about calling David Owen a ‘pompous sod’). (MP3, Real, podcast).

Pic from parliament.uk.